Up until very recently, I was quite paranoid. You see, I have this problem where I try to please everyone. So, naturally, I was worrying a lot about what people were saying about me and it was causing a lot of heartache. In a culture where it is more polite to avoid telling someone directly what you think of them, this was causing a lot of concern. I felt like everyone was talking about me all the time.
And then, like lightening, my paradigm shifted.
I don’t have to try to make everyone happy.
In the wise words of Becky, “if you stop stressing over everyone else’s happiness, and just focus on being happy yourself, you will probably find that those around you are happier too.” The best I can do is stay positive, doing the best I can with what I have, without getting too concerned with what others think of me. Not everyone will like me. That’s just how it is. I will hurt people in ways I never intend to, and some will hate me for no reason. But, at the end of the day, as long as I am trying to do right by others and stay happy myself, the rest will fall into place.
Frankly, I’m interesting, but I’m not so interesting that I am the topic of everyone’s conversation.
I’m also slowly learning how to recognize the days when I feel down, doing what I can to stay positive, and how to cherish the days when I feel happy. There is this strange misconception that we, as humans, are expected to be happy all the time. Not true. Happiness is a strong emotion, you shouldn’t feel it all the time, or it would loose it’s magic. So, in between those happy days, I do the things that make me feel positive. Listening to music. Talking to friends. Watching movies. Drawing. Shooting photography. Running. Enjoying a (small albeit amazing) dessert.
In the words of Carl Jung “Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.”
About my plans for the future: who knows. I don’t. For once in my life, it’s time to be OK with walking down a foggy road. I can’t control every plan, every outcome. I’m going to enjoy the journey, and stop worrying about the destination. What will I do next March? No idea.
And that’s ok.