The Journey

20120629-144021.jpgIn reference to my post about summer from last week, I’ve done even more soul searching. More growing, more changing. It’s amazing how quickly things change, how much I learn every day.

Up until very recently, I was quite paranoid. You see, I have this problem where I try to please everyone. So, naturally, I was worrying a lot about what people were saying about me and it was causing a lot of heartache. In a culture where it is more polite to avoid telling someone directly what you think of them, this was causing a lot of concern. I felt like everyone was talking about me all the time.

And then, like lightening, my paradigm shifted.

I don’t have to try to make everyone happy.

In the wise words of Becky, “if you stop stressing over everyone else’s happiness, and just focus on being happy yourself, you will probably find that those around you are happier too.” The best I can do is stay positive, doing the best I can with what I have, without getting too concerned with what others think of me. Not everyone will like me. That’s just how it is. I will hurt people in ways I never intend to, and some will hate me for no reason. But, at the end of the day, as long as I am trying to do right by others and stay happy myself, the rest will fall into place.

Frankly, I’m interesting, but I’m not so interesting that I am the topic of everyone’s conversation.

I’m also slowly learning how to recognize the days when I feel down, doing what I can to stay positive, and how to cherish the days when I feel happy. There is this strange misconception that we, as humans, are expected to be happy all the time. Not true. Happiness is a strong emotion, you shouldn’t feel it all the time, or it would loose it’s magic. So, in between those happy days, I do the things that make me feel positive. Listening to music. Talking to friends. Watching movies. Drawing. Shooting photography. Running. Enjoying a (small albeit amazing) dessert.

In the words of Carl Jung “Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.”

About my plans for the future: who knows. I don’t. For once in my life, it’s time to be OK with walking down a foggy road. I can’t control every plan, every outcome. I’m going to enjoy the journey, and stop worrying about the destination. What will I do next March? No idea.

And that’s ok.


3 thoughts on “The Journey

  1. Yasuhiro Nakatani says:

    It is impossible to make everyone happy and to meet all other people’s expectations. Some people may get disappointed because you may choose a different way from their expectations. However, you should not try to compromise yourself because you are worried about how they feel about you, or should not compare your life with others’. Life is ups and downs, and everyone’s life is different. Nobody wants his/her life to be unhappy. By the same token, nobody can avoid a period of unhappiness during his/her life. I think the important thing is to have self-esteem. I don’t mean it in a bad way. What I mean is that you have to believe in you and cherish your life as nobody else’s but your own. As I mentioned before, nobody else can experience how you are feeling and what you are experiencing. I like people watching. I imagine what lives they have been living. I totally understand even if you may have a hard time adjusting yourself to the Japanese culture, but looking back on your very first blog you should look how far you have come in only 3 months in Japan and should be proud of yourself as your father (I assume, but if I’m wrong please accept my apology) states in his comment. If you had not been in Japan you might not have had that paradigm change. This is a positive thing, isn’t it?

    • You’re absolutely right! I am learning and changing every day, and I don’t regret my decision to come here one bit. Who knows where life will take me next, but I have a long way to go and a lot of people to meet first. I will believe in myself as best I can, and when I’m down, I can always look to those around me for help, even if they are miles and miles away!! Thank you for the kind words 🙂

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